Day One

They finally opened the doors and let me out. When they opened, I swear it was like the weirdest feeling in the world. I was almost afraid to walk out.  But now that I’m standing here, with the rays of the sun on my face, I think I’m ok.  Man, the sunlight feels so off on my face.  I’m been locked up for so many years, man.  I only got to see the outside from the inside of those walls. Not able to feel the rays and the warmth on my skin.  It’s almost like I can feel each ray on my skin. My skin is tingling from the heat. My face and my arms, all feel something so amazing.  Every tingle and piece of warmth, is reminding me of how this freedom feels.  For years I walked back and forth in that room. For years I talked to the walls and sat with my own thoughts and fears and emotions.  For years, I tried to figure out and escape plan, not sure how if I was even bold enough to try to do it.  I sat in that room for so long that I the days, months, and years blended together. I had no idea how long I was in there.  I slept during the day and I slept during the night. Who knows for how long.  So now that I’m standing on the outside, I don’t know how i feel.  One on end, I’m feeling every element of my freedom But at the same time, I’m feeling like a legitimate career inmate…I’ve been in for so long, that I don’t know anything other than that confinement.  I have to learn how to be free for the first time in my life.  I have to learn how to live as a person instead of an inmate.  I have to learn how to interact with people.  People that looked like the warden. People that remind me of the warden.  I have to be able to look at them and not immediately get defensive. I have to look at them and deal with them like an adult, and not a scared or angry little girl.  Freedom is amazing and scary.  I need new skills, new conversation, a new life.  Everything about me has to be different from this point forward.  How do I do this thing?