Ever thinking, ever watching, trying to maintain peace and not offend. For years, I worked to stay out of the way and stay behind the scenes. "Maybe if I stay quiet, I can stay in the shadows". LIke a solider that comes home from war and battles PTSD. Locking myself inside my 'safe' place. Not realizing that the walls that I thought were protecting me were the very things suffocating me. Closing in, getting smaller, claustrophobic dreams and visions while standing out in the open.
Now that the walls have been pushed back...now my watch and think are of the things of tomorrow. The inward desires that are expressed outwardly as jokes are coming back. The true passions and desires of my heart and being released to me, and He's not just letting me know that they are being done, He's opening the veil and allowing me to watch. I feel like I'm standing in the holies waiting to walk into my next phase, but I'm being allowed a glimpse of the greatness to come. Like a child waiting for Christmas, I'm supposed to be asleep, but I can't help but peek behind my bedroom door to see the splendor that awaits me. But I get caught, and instead of being chastised for not being asleep, He pretends I'm not there, just long enough for me to watch. I still have to wait until the morning to open everything, but the excitement of being able to see everything all wrapped up and every single one has my name on it keeps me from being able to sleep.
My sleepless nights are no longer because of fear, but of anticipation. My heart beat increases out of excitement, and no longer fear. I keep hearing "It's time! It's time!". I can see the sun starting to shine outside my bedroom window. Morning is on the way.