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Saturday, June 1, 2013

Letter of Apreciation

Crying my heart out for a change.  For the opportunity to be filled and to be free.  In all of my years of prayer, I never prayed a prayer as earnest as I did this one.  I said “Lord, they tell me that you have something for me to do and that I have a gift.  So Lord if this thing is really true and You want this thing done, I know that the only way that I am going to live beyond these next few days to get this thing done is for you to send someone to save my life. I believe in Your Word and your love.  But right now, all I feel is darkness and the closing in of the walls that I put around me.  Help me God!”

And in a subtle soft voice, the Lord reminded me of His word. He said “I will give you pastors according to mine heart, which shall feed you with knowledge and understanding”.  "Be patient and trust me,” He said. “For I need you to be right where you are so you can know the fullness of MY restoration. “ 

When I joined this ministry and experienced the Lord for myself, I wanted different for my life from that day forward. My internal belief said that I was scarred for life, but my faith said that I was able to be whole. My faith made me want different. I desired to be something that I'd never knew existed. I wanted and needed to know who I was. Had it not been for faith and this ministry, I would have never taken the time to realize that. I would still be the hollowed out, hardened carcass of a person that I was.

When God places people in your life it’s often not known at that time the specific reason until a later time.  I truly feel as though this is the time in my life that it was meant for.  When you two were placed in my life I was in a place where I felt nothing but pain that I couldn’t explain nor understand.  I just did everything in my power to try to hide it or pretend that it wasn’t there.  But somehow, you unlocked the cry in my soul and not only tamed the beast that was within but also trained her to be not just a woman, but to be a lady, which was not an easy task.  For you are still being challenged by my “intellect” and my desire to mask what is truly inside.  I know I don’t make dealing with me easy.  Although I am still working on me, I still have so much work that needs to be done.  And I appreciate and commend you for not throwing me away, nor allowing me to throw myself away even when I tried.  On more than one occasion.    For the many roles you two have played in my life I thank you.  For the many nights you were up praying for me I thank you.  For the times you spent encouraging me when I was down and pushing me to do and be better, in spite of me, I thank you.  For being who you are both inside and outside the church I love you.  So on this your anniversary I want to commemorate and celebrate the leaders that God has allowed you to be to me.  I love you and appreciate the time, the dedication, the correction and determination to not allow me to quit. Happy Anniversary