Will You Trust Your History, Or Will Your Gut/God (Bible Study Lesson)

Initially I was going a different route entirely

*Father of Lights -Netflix

*Darren Wilson

*Trilogy

That drive to work 

*The Bible Experience

*Acts 27

*Evangelist Lee sermon 

*Gainesville

  -jokes about taking notes

  -already in my notes

  -tried to take notes, but hit delete right after he accident

Acts 27 and 28

*jumping around a little

While reading/listening the Lord gave me a few things and then a drive that there was something else to the story 

*hidden treasures

*listened to and then read in 3 different versions

*real life, in my face examples

*speaking while I was working

  -seemed everywhere until I wrote everything out

The man of God talked about the man who's daughter was sick unto death

*how everyone is blessed by what you've been praying for

*struck a nerve

*that night and the following day (in subsequent conversation) is when subject came 

We all know history repeats itself

*fashion trends

*music

*racism/sexism/etc.

*new generation bringing back "old ways"

Because we rehearse history so much, we set an expectation and precept for everything in our life 

*compartmentalize in a cute box

*cookie cutter syndrome

*Stepford Wives

It causes us to put limitations on our own capabilities and everything according to God

*He's only able to do according to the extent that I can fathom based on experience

*radical prophets/evangelists/saints 

  -Doug Addison-prophet-tattoos

  -Todd White-evangelist-healing on the spot 

These guys test the boundaries of "Christianity" and faith

We're taught that we can't go into certain areas to profess the Lord because it's "out of place" or a taboo area 

*all because of history and what is told is acceptable 

Jesus wasn't "acceptable" and challenged His disciples and everyone after Him to do the same

*challenging us

*youth of today for Christ-boldness

Even taking it back to the book of Acts

*Paul told them it would be great loss

  -history with ships

*captain of the ship was the initial faith holder

  -they'll be fine

  -Centurion

Destinations of the ship

*trying to find some kind of land

*worse storm got, worse people got

The Lord was telling us the outcome the entire time

Verse 16: the ship docked on "Clauda" to try to repair the ship

*only time word is mentioned

No direct meaning but 2 derivatives

1. Claudico-to limp or to be lame; to halt; waver; be wanting; incomplete or defective (specifically relating to physical infirmity that makes a person limp or lame all together)
2. Claudo-to limp; to shut something that was open; to close

How many have reached those islands in life

*situations, relationships, jobs, education 

Get to these places for a way or escape or opportunity to start something new and meet nothing but carnage and blockage

*we see the door closing

*hot stove

*falling off of horses or bikes and water problems

Relationship with Bedford I tried to work out

*failed repeatedly

*hit the altar to find out why (we love each other, what's the issue)

*"it's simply not time yet"

*try to force things to happen when it's simply not time

People tried to make rafts to get off the island

*where were they gonna survive to go in that kinda storm on a raft

Verse 23: back to the water and purged everything that provided their own provision

*left with nothing (no food, clothes, etc)

  -Paul tells them about the angel of the Lord reassuring that all will be well

History has already shown what's gonna happen to me

*nothing tangible to rely on

*broken ship, middle of nowhere, storm

*no food or will to live

I'm bout to die!

The Lord had them right where He needed them

*you hear what's being said, but it makes you angry because all you can see it water and a ship that's barely holdin on

*mu situation shows I'm gonna die and God is saying "Trust me"

The kids and moving in together example 

He knew that land was just a little ways away

*fishers who toiled all night-other side

*men that dig the holes that the enemy took over-dig again

*job you applied for a few times and you were denied

*back to school-didn't do so hot

Some of those "failures" were God just saying "it's not time just yet"

Being released into a new dispensation of time

*you feel it in your spirit

*that failure is fighting your decision to move

Are you gonna trust the defeats of your history, or are you gonna listen to what the spirit of God is welling up inside

Are you gonna let history shut up your giftings?

*your gift will make room for you

  -but when the room is made, will you occupy the space or will you let someone else do the thing you were called to do

OUCH LORD!

The Lord is showing us the change of dispensation by the things we're experiencing now

*ease of frustrated petitions.   

  -lunch, OT, cars, health, beauty

We want signs and wonders in this big grand fashion, because we think that's the only way to prove that it's God

*ignoring the small victories 

  -migraine study

Those "small" heart/soul cry answers are showing so much more than the grand gestures

*things you didn't tell anybody about, but it's done

God wants to heal you EVERYWHERE you hurt

*not just the areas that other people can see

  -those are the easy things to give

*inner battles are what we shelter because of that history

  -He wants those even more

The man of God also talked about people being blessed on the way to your blessing

*can you accept it when it comes

*does God have to strip you first before you can let history go and be able to receive

History says "it's been this long, it must be a no"

*history says they ain't bout nothin

All the whole, your spirit it tugging on you like Tyson when he has to pee

*incessant

*dire importance that you pay attention

God is tugging, trying to tell you that it's time in some areas of your life

*accept (and announce) the call

*start school

*take the job

Don't let your past drown out the success in your future

Last thing

*catalyst for whole lesson

*28:1

*been so stuck on 27, that we forget there's a 28

Everybody survived ad made it to the shore of an island

Name of island is "Melita" (KJV) or "Malta" (NIV, Message)

*means "Affording honey"

Surviving the storm was only part of the story

*staying together

  -any deviation would have killed them all

*New beginnings was a land that assured blessings and miracles

Barbarians showed "unusual kindness" to them everywhere they went

Had to be transfigured before we could experience our new beginning

Welcome to Your New Beginning

Day One

They finally opened the doors and let me out. When they opened, I swear it was like the weirdest feeling in the world. I was almost afraid to walk out.  But now that I’m standing here, with the rays of the sun on my face, I think I’m ok.  Man, the sunlight feels so off on my face.  I’m been locked up for so many years, man.  I only got to see the outside from the inside of those walls. Not able to feel the rays and the warmth on my skin.  It’s almost like I can feel each ray on my skin. My skin is tingling from the heat. My face and my arms, all feel something so amazing.  Every tingle and piece of warmth, is reminding me of how this freedom feels.  For years I walked back and forth in that room. For years I talked to the walls and sat with my own thoughts and fears and emotions.  For years, I tried to figure out and escape plan, not sure how if I was even bold enough to try to do it.  I sat in that room for so long that I the days, months, and years blended together. I had no idea how long I was in there.  I slept during the day and I slept during the night. Who knows for how long.  So now that I’m standing on the outside, I don’t know how i feel.  One on end, I’m feeling every element of my freedom But at the same time, I’m feeling like a legitimate career inmate…I’ve been in for so long, that I don’t know anything other than that confinement.  I have to learn how to be free for the first time in my life.  I have to learn how to live as a person instead of an inmate.  I have to learn how to interact with people.  People that looked like the warden. People that remind me of the warden.  I have to be able to look at them and not immediately get defensive. I have to look at them and deal with them like an adult, and not a scared or angry little girl.  Freedom is amazing and scary.  I need new skills, new conversation, a new life.  Everything about me has to be different from this point forward.  How do I do this thing? 

I Let Me Down (Written in 2009)

It is often said that everyone plays the fool a time or two in life, but what if you are always playing the fool. It seems like everyday is spent as the outsider and dummy of the group. “Why am I the one always getting hurt?”, “What is it about me that attract people that I allow to hurt me?” “Why do I fall for it every time?” These are questions that are often asked in that type of situation. And it’s all because of the one emotion that plagues mankind more so than any infectious disease: love.

It seems so simple in the storybooks-boy meets girl, girl meets boy, and they fall in love and live happily ever after. That is how it’s supposed, or so I thought. If I would have known then what I knew now, I think I would have saved myself a lot of heartache.

You don’t want much out of it, just some reciprocity, but I guess even to some people that seems to be too much to ask. And in your mind, you know the reality of how the story ends, but your heart is another story. It longs for the storybook ending at every available opportunity. No matter what the logics of the mind say. That is how a heartbreak occurs. When one person is stuck on a thing and they are determined to prove other people wrong and at times prove themselves wrong and then they are let down by the very thing that they are fighting for.

As an adult, you wish on a star for that one thing that you think would satisfy you in life; even though you think in your head “Yeah right, like a star can grant me that!” But somewhere deep in the crevices of your soul, you think “maybe this time, it just might work, maybe this time it will be different.” Other than that you wouldn’t have tried to wish it. And whether you care to admit it openly, you can’t help but to be a little disappointed when it doesn’t happen.

That is how children stop believing in Santa Claus for Christmas. They ask for one simple (to them that is) thing every year. And they get everything else that they ask for but that one thing. That one thing that would make it the best Christmas ever to them. The sting of disappointment every year is enough to make them stop believing in the magic that the holiday season is supposed to bring.

That is how I feel now. I’m not hurt, but I am disappointed. More so at myself than anything or anyone else. I knew better in my head but I allowed emotions to take over and get the best of me. And now, once again, I’m the one with the gaping hole in the middle of my chest that used to be filled with something that I thought was the greatest thing on this natural earth. No matter how or why it ends, it always ends. And I’m the puppy that is left going home to lick her wounds after the fight that should have never been.

The world of hip hop has let me down again. Hopefully for the last time. I need to take a break from it all and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to return to it the way that I used to. It has become the very thing that it has tried to hard to protest against musically. It has sold out to the main stream and didn’t even realize it. And I was so busy listening and thinking of my own songs that I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t realize it either. Until now that is. My eyes have been opened and now I see the truth. I have been forced into the realization that Slick Rick and Doug E. Fresh are no longer in the game. They have been replaced with watered downed renditions of emcees. And I am left with that and not by choice.

My love for hip hop has been tainted. A love that was once so pure and innocent is now slowly becoming non-existent. Which is not necessarily a bad thing I’m coming to realize.

What once was, is no more.

Drummer One (written back in 2010)

Over the years, I have tried to get over it but time and time again, I find myself back where I started. Listening for the rim shots of my Drummer One. With every lick of the sticks and kick of the bass comes floodgates of feeling and emotions that I try so hard to convince myself aren’t there. Feeling that I try to forget. We’ve played this song below. More times than I care to admit. Repeating the same rolls and breaks every time. But every time I’m like a child that watches the same movie over and over again. I know how the song ends but yet and still every time I hear the intro, I’m glued to it, anticipating the surprise ending that never comes. So I am posing a question to myself. Why don’t I turn off the radio? Why is it that I am still shocked about something that I’ve heard before? I know it’s not the special edition with all of the added and deleted scene footage, and the alternate ending. I keep hearing the same song over and over again. Every phrase is the same, every hook, and every vamp. The only difference is the performance. Because it is live, there are a few different variations from time to time. There are some new rolls and possibly some that I will never hear again for whatever reason. But as I said before, the skeleton of the song is the same. It is a track, so it never lets me down. With it being on a board, the timing of the song can be alternated. It can short, it can be long, and it’s all up to Drummer One. It is set up to adjust to the mood of Drummer. He can play it in regular time or in half steps. The bass line is always consistent. One thing any drummer is taught is to stay in the pocket, no matter what else you do stay in the pocket. So that’s what he does. His style varies; by he always remains in the pocket. And unfortunately for me, he makes it every time. He doesn’t miss a beat. And neither do I.

Rest in Peace My Drummer... 

Is Your Yes Sure (First Bible Study Lesson Notes)

I promise you, It’s just like your mind to mess with you when you're given an assignment. And the enemy just sits back and watches you destroy your own self. Enjoying that you’re doing all of his work for him.  Less work of him to do.

When the man of God gave me this assignment, I promise it felt like my insides were caving in on me. My heart hit my toes and tears formed in the corner of my eyes. And every thought was why I felt like I couldn't do this. I said to myself (and God) “In all the years that I’ve been around, this was the place that was only held by my leader and the ministerial staff, who am i to stand here in this position”. I looked at my life’s choices and where I feel like I am in my walk with God and said “surely, I’m not worthy. What in the world am I going to bring to EVERYBODY. I’m the least of them all”

Then He said to me “none of them has lived a perfect life either. None of them haven’t lived without mistakes or decisions that they weren't proud of. None of them are without fault, so why should you be any different."

We so often say that “Lord you can use me. Use all of me” but that one phrase is so loaded and misused.  We honestly don’t know just how much we’ll give and allow to be used until we get to a place where we have to give more than what we bargained for.  I was (and still am) perfectly content with being where I was. In an effort to "stay out of the way” and stay "under the radar”. I enjoyed staying in that corner behind that there camera.  It allowed me the comfort and peace of knowing that I wasn't being charged like those on the other end of my flash.  I was held to a standard, but not as high as those on the other side.

Isaiah 29:13

(KJV) Wherefore the Lord said, Forasmuch as this people draw near me with their mouth, and with their lips do honour me, but have removed their heart far from me, and their fear toward me is taught by the precept of men:

On Sunday we talked about the women in the lineage of Christ and how all of those women had a couple things in common. The biggest one was shame

Shame-a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.

Synonyms for Humiliation

embarrassment, mortification, shame, indignity, ignominy,  disgrace, discomfiture, dishonor, degradation, discredit,  belittlement, opprobrium; loss of face;  informal blow to one's pride/ego, slap in the face,  kick in the teeth, comedown

The man of God talked about shame and how with our own shame and our own secrets that we carry, it cripples us from stepping out.  I remember when I was pregnant (both times) and I used to literally pray and cry to the Lord “why me????” “Why do I have to be the one pregnant. I’m the youngest adult, we've only been here so many years, I moved here with my CHURCH, I’m not married, and yet, I’m the one with the baby”. I didn't get an answer the first go round.  And then the second time, my petition got worse. I literally cried saying “Lord, WHY ME?!” and then one day, just as clear as I’m standing here speaking, I heard Him say to me “why not you?”. So even now, as we’re entering this different phase of ministry, the Lord is still saying “why not you? You say that I can use you...Why are you limiting me through your own hands?”

Isaiah 29:13

(NET) The Sovereign master says “These people say that they are loyal to me; they say wonderful things about me, but they are not really loyal to me. Their worship consists of nothing but man-made ritual”

(MSG) (verses 13 and 14)

“These people make a big show of saying the right thing,
    but their hearts aren't in it.
Because they act like they’re worshiping me
    but don’t mean it,
I’m going to step in and shock them awake,
    astonish them, stand them on their ears.
The wise ones who had it all figured out
    will be exposed as fools.
The smart people who thought they knew everything
    will turn out to know nothing.”

We’re a people that likes to say that we know what God wants us to do with us and because of that, we’ll give our all. We’re so quick to say “Lord if you send me, I’ll go”. But is your yes sure? Is your yes truly from your heart, or is it just with your lips or your mind and understanding of what you think He has for you to do? 

When the Lord gives you a task that steps your out of your comfort zone, I firmly believe that it’s at that moment that He is seeing what’s really in your heart.  The way you respond and the way that you execute the task is what your heart truly believes. 

The one thing that we try to keep to ourselves and cover up and conceal, can God use that very thing to speak life to someone else? Their shame was their ministry. Can He really use your womb, can He use your voice, can He use your broken decisions, Can He use your shame? Or is it too much of an embarrassment to allow God to use? That struggle doesn't fit the life that I’m portraying now, so people are going to look at me differently…I don’t have that issue anymore, and I don’t want people took treat me like I’m still that way. God wants to know if He can use that too. Or is your pride too strong to let it be used? 

Psalm 4:2

O ye sons of men, how long will ye turn my glory into shame? how long will ye love vanity, and seek after leasing? Selah.

I’m not saying to go and profess to the rooftops all of your dirty laundry and say “now that I've confessed my all, you can come to Jesus now!” I’m not saying to divulge it all. The Word says in Proverbs that “a fool uttereth all his mind…”. But God is saying “can I use it if I see fit for it. Will you allow it to be a part of your all too"

PUSH

 Lord I need you to come in.  I felt it begin, and then it was gone.  It’s easy and then it’s hard.  It flows, and then it’s backed up.  I want to give what I want, but I know what I heard You say to me, and I don’t want to, no I can’t negate that part.     I’m trying too hard to be something that I know in my spirit that I am, but I feel like I’m not.  I believe in my heart that You are using me for Your purpose, but my mind and my memories keep telling me that I’m not worthy.  I’ve been called powerful and an encouraging, and I feel like I’m trying to force it out.  Knowing that it’s never comes out that way.  I want it to be able to flow like it used to.  I want it to be able to be second nature like it used to.  I want to be able to just step out and do and feel that comfort that I used to.  But I need your help.  I don’t want the extreme emotion to be the driving force for me to be able to perform.  But it feels like that’s the only way it seems to happen.  I want the fullness of ministry, instead of the fullness of my emotions.  I want my belly to give life instead of stillborn. I want to look at my baby and love it. Not feel intimidated by it. 

“Just trust me daughter”, I hear a subtle whisper in the wind say. “What you feel is the push of the end of the struggle.  The intimidation is simply the understanding of the gravity of what you have inside of you. But what you have yet to realize is that while you were going through those moments, I was giving you what you needed for this moment here.  I’ve promised you balance and you haven’t even taken the time to see it yet. When the job was lost, I supplied the need.  When the baby got sick, I gave you peace.  When you felt like your heart was shredded to pieces, I gave you strength.  When your experiences (that you felt were so out of my will) tore you down, I gave you wisdom.  And when you felt like you couldn’t go any further, I gave you a boost. 

Whether you realize it or not my child, I’ve been there the entire time, shaping and molding your womb to bring forth the life of your gift and your calling.  For this entire time, I’ve shaped you, grown you, and matured you for this perfect moment.

But Lord, how do I get through this thing? How do I get the balance that’s been promised to me? How do I know if I’m even doing this the right way?

 And He simply says PUSH

The time is now for you to release. The time is now for you to bring forth.  The time is now for you to produce life…The struggles were only the labor pains.  No labor comes forth without pains.  Even nature teaches you some things my love.  The more intense the pain and the closer together the pain comes, the closer you are to your birthing.  And I’ve been right there holding your hand, coaching you and helping you breath.  Now the time has come for you to buckle down and push.  I’ve been waiting on you. I didn’t want to force you or allow you to force yourself before it’s time, because this is important to my work.  There will be no miscarriages or still borns of this gift.  You cannot abort this gift. It’s coming and it’s coming now.  Everything you’ve suffered through has been for this moment.  All of the tears have been for this moment.

 Now PUSH