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Tuesday, August 11, 2020

The Other Side of Rejection - Preface (Bible Study Lesson)

 It took me a minute to finally get a chance to study trying to balance everything and everybody.


When I started, God started talking immediately 

I was only released to get into the Preface. I haven’t even been able to get through to even see the rest of the book)

This is gonna be heavy


Take a few minutes (only to yourself)

“This about what was the most damaging/traumatic thing that’s happened in your life?”

What was the thing that caused a shift in who you are today? Or who you wanted to be today? What hurt you so bad that it made you give up on who you are at one point in time?

That’s where God is gonna hit with this


This isn’t about looking at the people on the screen or looking at the people next to you

God wants you to look specifically at you

As a matter of fact, look in a mirror or the camera in your phone at yourself


Once you get a good look at yourself, say this out loud to yourself:

“My soul is damaged, but its time to be whole”

Necessary to say it out loud, so you can hear it in your spirit and in the depths of your soul


“God wants to heal you everywhere you hurt”

We know the song by Earnest Pugh

But we sing the song and we think about the surface stuff

“My knee hurts”

“My bank account hurts”

“My kids/spouse/family member/boss is getting on my nerves”


While those things are important, those aren’t the “everywhere”

The “everywhere” is also those deep rooted issues that you carry with you everyday

The “everywhere” is the extra emotional weight that’s being carried that’s being masked by physical weight

The “everywhere” is the areas of you that you may not even realize they’re there


 

God took me back to my blog that I used to write

Writing about feeling like I was in a prison cell

No walls, but a small window with a little piece of sunlight

Sunlight was visible, but too far away for me to feel 

That’s what the bruising/damaged part of your soul is fighting

It sees the possibilities, but it can’t feel the rays of that freedom just yet


(Ive been instructed to start writing and blogging again. That was something that I gave up a long time ago. But it was so freeing to me)


Definition of rejection - 

1 - the act or process of rejecting

2 - the state of being rejected

3 -  something that is rejected


Definition of reject - 

1 - to refuse to have, take, recognize, etc.

2 - to refuse to grant

3 - to refuse to accept

4 - to discard as useless or unsatisfactory

5 - to cast out or eject; vomit

6 - to cast out or off

7 - (medical) to have an immunological reaction against


We’ve all experienced one of these feelings at one time or another

Church is good about it

“Rejection is God’s redirection”

“One closed door means that one wasn’t for you. There’s another one coming”

“Just wait and watch God fix it”


Those things make it easier to deal with, (sometimes), but they don’t deal with the feelings that come with the rejection


Rejection can be damaging to the mind, the will, the emotions, the appetite, the heart, the personality and the belief system of humans. 


Untended to rejection can cause permanent damage to the soul

Monica has bruised lungs because of Covid - It’ll take at least a year to heal


Something that she contracted that caused harm to her caused her to have damage to an internal part of her. That damage alters her life until her healing takes place.


We say that we are 3 parts and we know that in our heads, but we often forget that the soul and the spirit are 2 separate things

We want our soul to act like our spirit and just “bounce back” and “keep moving”


We try to “put God on it” like its a salve and just leave it alone


Healing and deliverance doesn’t always come that way


Sometimes deliverance comes in with a therapist

If God can call and ordain a doctor for your physical health, why cant He assign and call one for your mental and emotional health


A therapist is qualified to dig through the layers of things that have been added over time to get the to very root of you

We cant get there on our own

Often too afraid of digging that deep and getting that far in

We get too far and realize that we aren’t as “together” as we think we are

I was a psychology major at Spelman.

Always interested in the mind and what causes a person to do what they do

At the time it was serial killers. “What clicked and made them go”

Concentration was in mental health


I felt like I couldn’t pursue it because it would have been contradictory to what I believe. I’m seeing now that it would have been the greatest asset to me

*did you know* the mind can’t distinguish the difference between intense physical pain and intense emotional pain?

The brain processes emotional pain like a physical hit


*second sidebar note*

Sometimes an introverted personality isn’t a personality trait, sometimes its caused by a wound/rejection


Wilt thou be made whole?

We know the verse, we know the question

John 5:6 (1-9)


Bethesda means - House of pity or mercy


Everything the man needed was there the entire time


Jesus saw how long he was sitting there. He watched for who knows how long.


He asked the man if he wanted to be made whole, if he wanted to be healed

Why are you still here? He’s asking


Instead of the man taking the initiative by answering the question, he gave an excuse

“I have no man to put me in”

That’s like someone offering to take you out to eat and instead of saying yes or no, you say “but I don’t have any money”


Both answers sound the same

Who asked you that part? Do you want to go was the question


God is asking you the same question 

Wilt thou be made whole?

“Do you want to get well?” Is what the Message Bible translates to


Do you really want to be whole?

Are you ready to put in the work?


God says that this book/time isn’t for the faint of heart

Trying to just listen and say “amen” isn’t gonna cut it

You have to put in the work to be well and to be whole


While studying, I heard the voices of the people say “ But God Im too old”

“I’ve been this way too long” “I don’t think I can go that far and that deep”


God is saying, “you’re never too old to be healed”

Aunt Queenie 

Do you really want to be that way???


That man sat at that water for 38 years

How old was he when he got there?

Was he already grown?

(Most likely)


Take a 20 year old man and add 38 years to that - potentially almost 60 years old he was when he was healed


He had to make a decision though


God said that Before you get into this book, you have to make a decision. You have to decide within yourself if you’re going to put in the work for this


Are you ready?

Straight up:

It’s gonna hurt

It’s not gonna be easy

You may even cry

Its gonna suck before it gets better


But I promise you, it’s worth it

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Bible study notes from July 19, 2017

James 1:4 KJV

But let patience have her perfect work, that he may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. 


We're worried about the wrong thing


We hear this scripture and immediately get happy of of the "perfect and entire, wanting nothing"

 - proclaim it and run and shout everywhere

 -miss the beginning completely


Patience is the process

 - not just what you go through, but how you go through

 - " Patience have her perfect WORK"

 - WORK is the key word


We have no patience 


Major changes (jobs, relationships/marriage, etc.)

 - we know the outcome an should to the outcome

 - hate the process 

   * impatient

   * try to force things to happen


Trying to castor oil ourselves into premature labor

 - (old school/old wives tale oral remedy to induce labor)


Seek the face of God


He's always speaking loudly and consistently

 -INSTRUCTION - direction, order, or decree

 - CONFIRMATION - verification, proof, testimony

 - AFFIRMATION - declaration, proclamation, assertion


Instruction- let patience have her perfect work

Confirmation- that he may be perfect 

Affirmation- perfect and entire, wanting nothing


He'll give you the what, why, how, when, where 


We're getting tired and wearing ourselves thin simply because we aren't listening

 - trying to do it on our own

   *got news Tuesday, and trying to make things work so hard that by Friday, I was burnt out, on the verge of tears exhausted


Perfect and entire is strategic 

 - not haphazard or coincidence


Live ON PURPOSE

Move ON PURPOSE

Speak ON PURPOSE


In doing so, you'll get your perfect end

Monday, May 29, 2017

Bible Study Notes from 5/17/17 - Class Is In Session

"Class Is In Session"

1 Corinthians 3:6-7 (5-9)(KJV)

We're moving into a dispensation of time where the people of God are in competition with one another
-Want to outpreach, outprophesy, outexpound, outteach

Prophesy everywhere
-Disguised as an opportunity to grow the church
   *Divide and conquer

Everyone wants to be deep and powerful

Everyone wants to draw a crowd, but who's doing the work to keep them

Who's taking the time to lay the roots?

Who's working with their leaders to draw to God and the kingdom instead of themselves?

We're undercutting true leadership in our own efforts to be great
-God called ME

FB post
-Plucking up the seed before it gets any roots
-Offended when people don't receive us like it's OUR Word
-Take it personal when we're just the mouthpiece

Apollos: A Jew (Acts 18:24)
-meaning: "One who destroys/destroyer"
-Studies show he was a teacher

(Ended up being a part of the class and not the notes LOL)
2 different types of teacher (Office of teacher)
Instructor/Trainer

Instructor: Brings practical application to the lesson to help to understand

Trainer: First partaker of the programs they prescribe

"The Teaching Ministry: An Introduction to The Teaching Office and Gift" by Roderick L. Evans"

(Back to formal notes LOL)

Apollos made his life's work to teach the Words of Christ as the Messiah
-"Bold" speaker
-Didn't back down
 *Probably too aggressive at first

Didn’t even know the extent of the work of the Messiah at first 
-teachings of John the Baptist

Priscilla and Aquilla
-Took the time to teach him the rest of the work

The made sure he knew the extent of what he was teaching
-only so much that John the Baptist could teach/preach on

Full understand
-Accurate teaching

Acts 18:27-28 (KVJ and NIV)

He spoke so accurately and boldly, that it established his reputation was established
-people spoke on his behalf 

He boldly "refuted" the very people he came from
-He didn't just proclaim Jesus, he showed them, in the Word, where the information was
-He studied to SHOW

Can't ask God to put you on a platform when you didn't do the work to build the foundation that the platform sits on

It's easy to preach and get someone excited
-Teach the people something

Difference between Paul and Apollos
-Paul was great in his own right
-without the work of Apollos, he wouldn't have been as effective

5 Fold ministry
-Teachers are the foundation
-typically the least desired office/call

"I planted, Apollos watered"
-Paul acknowledged that the conjoined efforts of their ministries made the impact

Seed planting gets them in the door
-the watering establishes the roots

In order to stet the stage properly, we have to study and know what we're saying

Hosea 10:12

Fallow ground isn't attitude and disposition

Fallow ground -> incorrect teaching

NIV calls it "Unplowed ground"
-Tradition
-Religion

AMP calls it "uncultivated ground"

Message says "till the ready earth"

When ground is tilled, it's literally flipped
-fresh soil on top

Fresh soil cultivates life and growth

The Word gives repetitive requests and admonitions to get into His Word
-Ask
-Seek
-Knock
-Search Me
-Study to show
-Feed My sheep

He wants us to understand the vitality of His Word
-All of it
-Exactly as it's written

Word is a contractual agreement
-Contract in court

Can't paraphrase to fit our case
-verbatim is the stipulated clause

Class action suits

Jury duty
-Take info at face value
-Don't try to reinterpret

His Word governs how He moves

Isaiah 55:11

When you don't study it and misquote it, you nullify it

The very scripture that gives warning to this is the very one that is so often misquoted

"Try the spirits by the spirit"
-Not what it says

1 John 4:1
"...try the spirits, whether they are of God"
-no version says it the other way

References scriptures to this
Jeremiah 29:8
Matthew 24:4-5

*Wisdom component*

Learned/studied
-Don't become dogmatic because you know

"With lovingkindness have I drawn thee" (Jeremiah 31:3)

Balance
-that’s what they brought to each other (Paul and Apollos)

Each role is imperative
-Can't plant and expect a dry seed to grow
-Can't water a seed that's not planted and expect it to grow


Kingdom building is a collaborative effort

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Bible study notes from February 16, 2017

Bible study lesson - Temporary Insanity 2/16/17

Glimpses of someone running through dark halls. Yelling for freedom, but unsure of where to go.  Feeling around don walls and reaching for doorknobs that aren't there.

"Right here" you hear a voice say. You look around like the voice is talking to you, but you realize the voice is talking to the one running through the halls. They stop and their head moves from side to side, trying to hear where the voice is coming from.

"Right here" you hear again. But this time it's more distinct. You're able to distinguish the direction and you look toward the voice and see an open door in the distance. A bright light at the end of the dark hall. So you try to reach for the person that is now in a full out panic. But you can't seem to get to them.

You start to yell for them to find the door. You're completely dumbfounded as to how something so simple is so oblivious.

You watch this horror unfold before your eyes as you see the person that was so frantic, sitting against the wall full of tears. Sitting so close, but apparently so far.

All the while, the voice keeps saying, "Right here" "right here". The light seems to get brighter as you get more frustrated at what you're seeing. The hurt, the frustration, and the try again. Each time, seeming to travel right on the edge of the light. Hunting through the darkness; completely oblivious to the freedom that is right before them.

How in the world are they missing this? How can something so obvious be so hard to find? It frustrates you to watch such a debacle happen before your eyes. You try to figure out a way to help them, but it seems like there is a boundary line between you and them. You watch them to the point that it becomes pure anguish to see. Constantly pacing, panicking, missing the very thing that is right before their eyes.

You clearly see the way. You hear the voice, but for some reason, there's missing it. They hear the voice, and they turn to where it sounds like it's coming from. Where it just might be, but they can't find it.

"How do they get out?" you finally ask the Lord. His reply is simple...

"They just have to open their eyes"

Isaiah 29:13-21 (KJV, AMP)

*It's easy to take this piece and equate it to pain and struggle.
 -Pain is familiar
 -hurt is the easy thing

*Bur the wanderer that's frantic in this piece is your anointing and your call
 -Your spirit man
 -your gifting, your calling

*Spent so much time looking at the wrong and the past, that we miss where we are now.

*God has delivered out of the past things and kindled the fire fo our giftings, but we're right of the edge of that light trying to figure out why wer haven't moved to the next phase.

*With all the Word and prophesy that's coming forth, we're running in the moment and telling God that we availing ourselves to Him.
 -But when we get home, our minds have already travelled to the next thing on our agenda (work, school, children, Sunday dinner, etc.)
 -By Wednesday, we don't even remember what was spoken on Sunday.

*We don't want to study or pay
 -So focused on being "new", that we're misssing what the "new" consists of

(End of verse 13)
 (Reverence for me is a tradition...)
 -Church
 -Praying
 -Preaching
 -Teaching
 -Evangelizing
    All on tradition, and we don't even understand the history behind the tradition that we're carrying on with

*We're trying to feel our way through instead of taking the time to see

*Frustrated with the ebbs and flows of ministry and our own anointing
 -This should be easy
 -This is what we do/what we've always done

*Different dispensation of time
 -God is requiring more
 -Requiring a true heart sacrifice
 -"Will you be the sacrifice"

*Focusing on the eyar of 2017 being one of prosperity and excess for the body of Christ
 -missing the objedience of the body too

*We can't depend on what we knew things to be
 -Diffence between the Old and New Testament with this move
 -The end result is the same, but the process is way different

Verse 14-16 (AMP)

*No longer business as usual
 -We've become the founders/elders
 -We've become hte ones that lay the foundation

*Remove the cocoon
 -Step out and spread wings

*It's time to identify who we are in Him
 -Full sacrifice
 -"Ive call you and qualified you for what I've called you to"

*Confused freedom with a place where we don't have to work
 -Myself in cluded
 -Relay Race - we're all 4 legs of our race

*I've overcome! I've made it! I survived!
 -Now what?

*Lord I wanna be great!
 -Sit on our hands with our mouth sealed shut
 -The anointing requires work

*Example of spirit man behind wall
  (Saw a figure standing behind a wall with it's arms out. The image was glowing bright. But there were dark gashes that weren't radiating any light. The Word was floating out of air like bandages and covering the gashes. Gashes and dark spots were complete healed)
 -Dark gashes healed with the Word
 -But still behind the wall

*Removing bricks
 -Takes force
 -Takes Determination
 -Can't tear down with hands
 -Requires machinery to ensure the strength required to do the job.

*Your heart is the wrecking ball to that wall
 -The uniting of the heart with the mouth breaks the barrier

*Hand sitting inbetween hands as you're trying to clap
 -Clapping is sign of praise and adulation
 -Hand between hands prevents a proper praise

*Will you let your heart break the wall

Temporary Insanity

Glimpses of someone running through dark halls. Yelling for freedom, but unsure of where to go.  Feeling around don walls and reaching for doorknobs that aren't there.

"Right here" you hear a voice say. You look around like the voice is talking to you, but you realize the voice is talking to the one running through the halls. They stop and their head moves from side to side, trying to hear where the voice is coming from.

"Right here" you hear again. But this time it's more distinct. You're able to distinguish the direction and you look toward the voice and see an open door in the distance. A bright light at the end of the dark hall. So you try to reach for the person that is now in a full out panic. But you can't seem to get to them.

You start to yell for them to find the door. You're completely dumbfounded as to how something so simple is so oblivious.

You watch this horror unfold before your eyes as you see the person that was so frantic, sitting against the wall full of tears. Sitting so close, but apparently so far.

All the while, the voice keeps saying, "Right here" "right here". The light seems to get brighter as you get more frustrated at what you're seeing. The hurt, the frustration, and the try again. Each time, seeming to travel right on the edge of the light. Hunting through the darkness; completely oblivious to the freedom that is right before them.

How in the world are they missing this? How can something so obvious be so hard to find? It frustrates you to watch such a debacle happen before your eyes. You try to figure out a way to help them, but it seems like there is a boundary line between you and them. You watch them to the point that it becomes pure anguish to see. Constantly pacing, panicking, missing the very thing that is right before their eyes.

You clearly see the way. You hear the voice, but for some reason, there's missing it. They hear the voice, and they turn to where it sounds like it's coming from. Where it just might be, but they can't find it.

"How do they get out?" you finally ask the Lord. His reply is simple...

"They just have to open their eyes"

Monday, January 9, 2017

Hurricane Thoughts (October 2016)

Fears of shame and inadequacy, plaguing the storm of the loud mind and the quiet face.  The end of the storm waits quietly in the ocean of her insides, twisting and turning and raining at will. Waiting on a moment to destroy anything in its path.  But she holds it together, keeping the storm together within the levees of her heart and mind.  All it takes is one thing to poke or hole or pull a sandbag and the floods will come spilling out. The weight won’t be so heavy but it makes for certain destruction. No matter how soft or hard the water comes, it’s treacherous.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Morning

Ever thinking, ever watching, trying to maintain peace and not offend.  For years, I worked to stay out of the way and stay behind the scenes. "Maybe if I stay quiet, I can stay in the shadows". LIke a solider that comes home from war and battles PTSD. Locking myself inside my 'safe' place. Not realizing that the walls that I thought were protecting me were the very things suffocating me.  Closing in, getting smaller, claustrophobic dreams and visions while standing out in the open.


Now that the walls have been pushed back...now my watch and think are of the things of tomorrow. The inward desires that are expressed outwardly as jokes are coming back. The true passions and desires of my heart and being released to me, and He's not just letting me know that they are being done, He's opening the veil and allowing me to watch. I feel like I'm standing in the holies waiting to walk into my next phase, but I'm being allowed a glimpse of the greatness to come.  Like a child waiting for Christmas, I'm supposed to be asleep, but I can't help but peek behind my bedroom door to see the splendor that awaits me.  But I get caught, and instead of being chastised for not being asleep, He pretends I'm not there, just long enough for me to watch.  I still have to wait until the morning to open everything, but the excitement of being able to see everything all wrapped up and every single one has my name on it keeps me from being able to sleep.


My sleepless nights are no longer because of fear, but of anticipation.  My heart beat increases out of excitement, and no longer fear.  I keep hearing "It's time! It's time!". I can see the sun starting to shine outside my bedroom window. Morning is on the way.