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Saturday, October 11, 2014


 Lord I need you to come in.  I felt it begin, and then it was gone.  It’s easy and then it’s hard.  It flows, and then it’s backed up.  I want to give what I want, but I know what I heard You say to me, and I don’t want to, no I can’t negate that part.     I’m trying too hard to be something that I know in my spirit that I am, but I feel like I’m not.  I believe in my heart that You are using me for Your purpose, but my mind and my memories keep telling me that I’m not worthy.  I’ve been called powerful and an encouraging, and I feel like I’m trying to force it out.  Knowing that it’s never comes out that way.  I want it to be able to flow like it used to.  I want it to be able to be second nature like it used to.  I want to be able to just step out and do and feel that comfort that I used to.  But I need your help.  I don’t want the extreme emotion to be the driving force for me to be able to perform.  But it feels like that’s the only way it seems to happen.  I want the fullness of ministry, instead of the fullness of my emotions.  I want my belly to give life instead of stillborn. I want to look at my baby and love it. Not feel intimidated by it. 

“Just trust me daughter”, I hear a subtle whisper in the wind say. “What you feel is the push of the end of the struggle.  The intimidation is simply the understanding of the gravity of what you have inside of you. But what you have yet to realize is that while you were going through those moments, I was giving you what you needed for this moment here.  I’ve promised you balance and you haven’t even taken the time to see it yet. When the job was lost, I supplied the need.  When the baby got sick, I gave you peace.  When you felt like your heart was shredded to pieces, I gave you strength.  When your experiences (that you felt were so out of my will) tore you down, I gave you wisdom.  And when you felt like you couldn’t go any further, I gave you a boost. 

Whether you realize it or not my child, I’ve been there the entire time, shaping and molding your womb to bring forth the life of your gift and your calling.  For this entire time, I’ve shaped you, grown you, and matured you for this perfect moment.

But Lord, how do I get through this thing? How do I get the balance that’s been promised to me? How do I know if I’m even doing this the right way?

 And He simply says PUSH

The time is now for you to release. The time is now for you to bring forth.  The time is now for you to produce life…The struggles were only the labor pains.  No labor comes forth without pains.  Even nature teaches you some things my love.  The more intense the pain and the closer together the pain comes, the closer you are to your birthing.  And I’ve been right there holding your hand, coaching you and helping you breath.  Now the time has come for you to buckle down and push.  I’ve been waiting on you. I didn’t want to force you or allow you to force yourself before it’s time, because this is important to my work.  There will be no miscarriages or still borns of this gift.  You cannot abort this gift. It’s coming and it’s coming now.  Everything you’ve suffered through has been for this moment.  All of the tears have been for this moment.